Well I only have one brother. He’s my half brother and he’s way older than me, so we’ve never really been very close. We’ve always been at entirely different stages in our lives. He has two kids, the oldest is only two years younger than me. He’s a really great guy, so I wish that we could have spent more time together when I was growing up, but I guess it’s understandable that we didn’t. He’s also only my half brother, so that kind of made our relationship harder as well. But yeah, he may never really be around, but I still think he’s pretty great.

Well I believe in God, but I’m not very religious at all. I despise going to church, actually, and I hate talking about religion. The whole church scene just makes me really uncomfortable because I feel like everyone thinks they’re better than me and too much is expected of me. I think another issue I have with religion is that Christians are just plain assholes sometimes. They’re so pushy and I just hate it. Nothing will ever make me not believe in God, but I don’t know. I just can’t see religion ever being a very big part of my life.

1. Remember stupid, little things about me.
2. Be tall and have nice hair and be adorable.
3. Have sleepovers with me.
4. Don’t make fun of me for things I’m sensitive about.
5. Make the first move.
6. Hold my hand.
7. Buy me food.
8. Make me laugh all the time. 
9. Be Sam Miller.
10. Be John Gomez.

It really doesn’t take much.

1. I miss when we were better friends. I miss when there weren’t so many people more important than me. I don’t like that you would rather be her friend than mine, but I guess I’m just going to have to deal with it if I want to be your friend at all. I knew we’d drift apart this year, but I still wish that it didn’t happen.

2. You’re an asshole. You’ve managed to piss me off more than any boy I’ve ever talked to/dated, and that’s saying a lot. You just keep coming back because you know that you can. It’s partly my fault for being an idiot and letting it happen, but still. You had no right to treat me the way that you did. What have I ever done to you?

3. Thanks for being the best best friend ever and putting up with living with me because I’m sure it’s one of the most difficult things you’ve ever had to do. You’ll always be my best friend, whether you like it or not. Luhhhhyougrl.

4. Thank you for being the best person I know and one of my best friends. I know I’m a pain in your ass ninety nine percent of the time, but I still love you and I don’t know where I’d be if it weren’t for you. You keep me sane when I’m at home, and I really do love you more than you’ll ever know. I couldn’t ask for a better daddy.

5. I saved you for last because you really are the last person I should be talking to. I’ve already said so much, so I don’t know how I still have so much left to say. But I could go on forever. I want to hate you so much, but I just can’t make myself do it. I’ve seen the good side of you, and that’s still all I can focus on. You’ve done so much shit to me, but I manage to put that in the back of my mind and think of you as some great person, when really you’re the complete opposite. I like to say that I’m over you, but I’m pretty sure the whole world knows that I’m not. I’m trying though. I’m trying really hard. I don’t know why it’s so difficult for me because you don’t deserve to even be thought about. I don’t understand why the hell I’d still want to be friends with someone like you, but I do. I want nothing more than to talk to you, even though I’m sure it would just kill me. I will never understand why you’ve managed to get such a hold on me. I just hope that I can stop holding on soon because it’s exhausting.

I’ll always say: what if the circumstances of our relationship were different? What if us being together was possible? What if there weren’t so many barriers? Would we have been happy? I can’t say for sure, but I’m pretty positive we would have been good for each other. We’d probably still be together now, or at least I’d like to think so. Some day I’ve got to quit saying “what if” because it makes it impossible to move on.

The one thing I can’t seem to get over is the thing that I’ve needed to get over for about a year now. I’m tired of being so obsessed with wanting someone to like me, but with him I just can’t help myself. I couldn’t even give you five reasons why I have these feelings for him. They’re just here, and nothing will make them go away. Trust me, I’ve tried. It’s not even logical to be this stuck on someone who isn’t even around, but I’m so beyond stuck. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Way more than I’d like to admit. So much reminds me of him and things that happened with him, and it’s just so frustrating. I just want to know why I wasn’t good enough.

I was more like a bystander in the last argument I had, but I still got my opinion in there a bit. Jess and Braydon were talking about Peyton Manning, and Braydon just wasn’t making any sense. He kept saying that Peyton deserves 28 million dollars to just sit on the bench because of how great he has been, which isn’t even logical. No one deserves 28 million dollars for anything that they do. I mean, Peyton Manning is great and all, but not worth that much money. Also, Braydon thinks that he should stay here and play and risk being paralyzed, which is just ridiculous. I don’t know a lot about this situation really, but I do know that Braydon was stupid. His only response was, “but he’s Peyton fucking Manning.” So? He’s great and all, but there are some things that just aren’t worth the risk. He also thinks that if the Colts don’t want him, he’ll go to another team, which is also dumb. Peyton Manning has said that he only wants to play on one team his entire career, sooooo. Some people are more loyal than Braydon thinks apparently. I don’t know, he’s just the most annoying person in the world to argue with because he makes absolutely no sense.

There is nothing that NEVER fails to make me feel better. There are some things, like my best friends or cookies, that make me feel better most of the time, but sometimes things are just too wrong to be fixed. The only thing that will truly make me feel better is time.

For the most part, I think disrespecting parents is awful and wrong, but I think there are occasions where it isn’t all that bad. Not so much in my life because my parents respect me a lot, but if your parents never have any respect for you, I don’t understand why you should respect them. Yeah, they brought you into the world, but that doesn’t give them a right to disrespect you. So if they do, I think it’s acceptable to disrespect them back. But only if it’s a reoccurring thing. If your parents are just mean to you one day, you have no right to disrespect them, but if they honestly never have any respect for you, then I say you can disrespect them all you want.

- Thunderstorms
- Life after college
- Relationships
- Paying bills on my own
- Technology
- Sleeping alone
- Being alone in the dark at all
- Hospitals
- Driving in the snow
- Presentations
- Aquariums
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_u34kV9go0 

1. my sense of humor.
2. my honesty.
3. that’s all.

This week really wasn’t the best week to have to answer this question. Nothing out of the ordinary happened really. I guess the best thing was getting coffee with Isaac though. He’s just really nice and slightly adorable and I had a lot of fun. With the start we had, I can’t believe we’re actually still talking. But I’m happy about it.

I’ll make a list. I very rarely brush my hair. I eat really unattractively, and sometimes I chew with my mouth open. I pretty much never shave my legs during the winter. I mean, what’s the point if you don’t have a boyfriend? While I’m at school, I don’t shower every day.

I want to go on a date that’s completely a surprise. I want to dress up all fancy and have no idea where I’m going. I want it to be super cute and cheesy because I just love that stuff. I want it to be with someone who really likes me and really cares about me. I don’t have any specifics really. I just want something out of the ordinary because I’ve never really gone on a date like that before. I want to have something special to remember.